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« on: 18, Nov, 2010 - 16:47 » |
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Different
Right... Well I don't want to start with Hi I'm Cheryl and I'm different, but the truth is I am Cheryl..... And I am different.
I'm seventeen... I don't smoke, I don't drink and I have one friend. That's really it... Oh and I read a lot... Too much maybe. I have two bookcases full of books, and three clear boxes full of them under my bed. Yeah I'm all ways reading and if I'm not reading then I'm thinking about reading. As I said I'm different.
I don't know why I'm different, I just am. I don't like it. I sometimes wonder if there's actually anything wrong with me, I'm quiet and find it hard to be heard. People never seem to like me, and they don't even try to get to know me. I have a job and no one there seems to want to get to know me their either, they all talk and joke with one another but I just don't fit in, which is normal for me. I talk and get one worded answers back. I hate it.
When I come home, I like nothing else but to get stuck into a good book. What else is there to do, well other than BBM my one friend, she's my best friend- Kimberley! We've been friends for ages now. She's nice and doesn't judge. The difference is that people like her, the like her more than they like me and they don't care about showing it. They don't know they're not the only ones though. They probably just want me to know that they don't like me, but to be honest I know they don't, just like everyone else. They don't know how much it hurts either.
I mainly read romance stories. I suppose it's because it's something I lack in my life, I mean I wouldn't mind some but I tell myself that it doesn't matter and that one day it will happen.
I suppose I'm quiet. People do say I am and I have no confidence, but when you're bullied at school and you realise that no one seems to like you, you're going to be quiet and keep your head down, you don't want to get into an argument with people, so you stay out of their way. It's as simple at that really.
I haven't been like this for my whole life, well in primary I was put into a group of friends because my mum realised I didn't play with anyone at play time and lunch time, so she spoke to my teacher and they found me some friends to play with. We had loads of fun and they where all really nice and we all loved each other. Actually that's when I found my first boyfriend in that group. Then in secondary school, I had my group of friends like everyone else, then we left school, and my best friend is the only one I see. Towards the end the group was splitting anyway, and a couple of them just began to drift off and do their own thing together, so the group just split, we left school and that was it, I began to feel very lonely.
It's still an unanswered question that I have, 'Why don't people like me?' 'Why don't they give me a chance' and 'Why don't they care' I just hope the answer will come to me one day and I'll know what I'm doing wrong and why people don't approach me and I suppose why I'm... Invisible in a way.
After work I often find myself crying myself to sleep, I just feel so hated by them all, It's horrible and a weird atmosphere for me to work in, It's not at all nice to be honest and I want to leave as soon as I can, I just need something to fall back on that's going to give me some opportunity in life, so I'm not just stuck in the shop. My boss doesn't like me either, she complains when I ask for help and again when I don't, I just cant win.
I suppose I just need to try and turn everything around, but it's much harder that it sounds... I'm just different. I need to know why. That's all I want. I don't want to be different. I want to be able to fit in in life. That's all. [/hide]
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